The practical usage of sadness
by wyteeth
Summary: It starts with failure. Team 7 does not pass The Bell Test and the three genin go their separate ways. But instead of returning to the passive life of a civilian, Haruno Sakura is drafted into the dubious and treacherous world of Konoha's undergound, all-female military unit. Sakura will not let it end with failure, not if she can help it. AU. Strong!Sakura.
1. Chapter 1

**The practical usage of sadness**

 _ **It starts with failure. Team 7 does not pass The Bell Test and the three genin go their separate ways. But instead of returning to the passive life of a civilian, Haruno Sakura is drafted into the dubious and treacherous world of Konoha's undergound, all-female military unit. Sakura will not let it end with failure, not if she can help it.**_

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The tears do not stop and they continue to fall onto the sheets and pillows of Sakura's bed. Her childhood bedroom all too small yet also impossibly large and empty in the wake of her loss. _Loss_ , it was the only word to explain the emotion coursing through her and bringing forth this deluge of tears. Before that feeling of loss, however, there were feelings of anger, regret,and denial.

Hatake Kakashi, the jounin she was assigned to and supposedly guaranteed to be her teacher, had revoked her status as genin that afternoon for failing a secondary test that involved retrieving an item off his person. To think that something as measly as two silver bells could determine her path as a kunoichi this much.

She genuinely felt true anger- nothing like the childish sort she felt towards Ami and her gang of bullies- after being told that the concept of teamwork went well beyond her head and that pursuing a ninja career was impossible.

After that brief flash of anger faded she wondered if it was even worth trying at all given that it was painfully obvious her skills outside of the classroom would be useless even if she did pass. While she stayed quiet ruminating over lost chances that afternoon, Naruto and Sasuke did not. The blonde headed boy's uproar was a given, a firecracker in appearance and personality, but her third teammate took her by surprise by his outburst.

Alone in a quiet bedroom, she could still hear his words ringing in her ears.

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"Is this some kind of damn joke?" The Uchiha whispered, face twisted in a sneer.

"What was that, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked with neither face nor voice betraying emotion. Sakura wondered if it was worse than him showing pity.

"I said," His voice starts to escalate after each word, "Is this some kind of fucking joke!"

A single, visible eyebrow raises, "Not at all-"

"Oh, shut up! These two fools I can understand! This deadlast barely has any self control and would sooner kill his teammates off than try to help them!" By now the Uchiha was trembling, his fists clenched in anger as he swings a look of contempt to the other boy. Only shame fills the blonde's face, looking down in resignation.

Then he aims a look at Sakura and she flinches which, looking back, she wonders why she was even surprised. He was right after all.

"Don't even get me started. This snivelling, little, _child_ , would die even before the deadlast. Completely and utterly _useless_."

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Sakura hides from her parents, jumping out of the window at dawn and not caring about her appearance for once. Looking down, a dribble of blood alerts her of the wound on her right knee which is well enough given she did jump from a two-story window. She decides to pull out her old headband and use it as a temporary fix.

Besides the small tingle of pain, she carries on. Her destination was The Academy, where she would see where she will be placed due to being a freshly minted 'flunkee'. The headband in her pocket carries with it an uncomfortable weight, bothering her more than the recent wound.

The sight of the cylindrical building brings back memories, most of them fond, yet Sakura could not help the malicious feelings that begin to well up in her. Was she destined to return and keep coming back to this place, forever stuck as the small girl who came with big dreams of being a ninja? Would it always be a dream for her?

"Ah!- Hey, Sakura." A flash of blonde steps into her view and snaps the reverie she was in.

With nothing but bad feelings in her heart, she refrains from lashing out at the other boy, "...Naruto."

Noticing the awkward tension, the boy continues, "Um, so, I just got out from talking with Iruka-sensei and, apparently, I can still be a ninja!... Just, ya know, not on a team and stuff."

"You'll be made into an apprentice?" Sakura crinkles her eyebrows together. Apprenticeships were given only by the senior ninja, not the other way around. So who could have asked to train this knuckleheaded boy?

"Yeah! How'd ya know?"

Her pink head shakes a negative, "Nevermind that, Naruto. Who's going to be your teacher then?"

"I dunno, this Ebisu guy or whatever. He sounds kinda lame but whatever, anyone'd be better than that other asshole, believe it." Both twelve year olds make a face at the mention of their previous teacher, agreeing at once.

"Oh, and uh, I wanna let you know that I tried getting both of us to be Ebisu's apprentice so that we stick together," A faint blush colors the boy's tanned cheeks, "But Iruka-sensei said that Ebisu only wanted me, so, sorry."

Sakura was honestly shocked. She did not expect this from Naruto, who was so brash and annoyed everyone with his attitude.

Apparently it showed on her face because the next thing she knew the other boy was waving a hand in front of her face, "Uhh, hey, Sakura-chan? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. Just, thank you, I guess. You didn't have to do that for me, Naruto," And after realizing her past interactions with the boy, "Especially with the way I've been treating you."

"That was nothing! Really! Don't be sad, Sakura-chan! Um, I'll go back in and make Iruka-sensei take both of us just wait here!"

Sakura grabs the boy by his collar before he rushes of back into the building, "Naruto! It's okay, really! I'll go figure things out myself, I promise."

"Uh, alright," Scratching the back of his head and proudly putting on a smile, "Then, I guess I'll see you around, Sakura-chan!"

Mustering up all the good will in her, "I'll see you around, Naruto-kun."

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 **A/N: When you're in "anger, regret, and denial" from having your laptop stolen from you, just start writing a new story. The cause behind the lack of ANY updates from me is because, like I said, my laptop was stolen and I was waiting for my new (and sadly downgraded) laptop to come in the mail.**

 **Hope you enjoy the result of my anguish.**

 **P.S. This was written with high emotion so grammar, syntax, blah blah blah could be off. But then again, when is it not lol**


	2. Chapter 2

**The practical usage of sadness**

 _ **It starts with failure. Team 7 does not pass The Bell Test and the three genin go their separate ways. But instead of returning to the passive life of a civilian, Haruno Sakura is drafted into the dubious and treacherous world of Konoha's undergound, all-female military unit. Sakura will not let it end with failure, not if she can help it**_

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"Good morning, Iruka-sensei." Sakura politely intones as she stands across the schoolteacher's desk. Despite her somber mood, her manners have been ingrained to the point of autonomous response. That and the reflex to greet the the brunette chuunin still in place.

"Hello, Sakura-chan," A wan smile plasters itself on the older man's face, "I'm sorry about that jounin teacher you had. To be honest with you, he hasn't passed a single team to date."

Sakura cynically thinks that Hatake Kakashi's track record for failing genin did not matter so much as her obvious lack of skill but she keeps it to herself.

Instead she opts to say, "I'll get over it, Iruka-sensei. If it's no trouble, I wanted to know what my options were now that I've, uh, returned."

The older chuunin goes down a list of options, the first one being that she could return to The Academy for another year and try again with graduation and secondary exams with another team. The second being that she could simply drop out and return to her previous civilian life where she would then be redirected to the civilian schools to get further guidance.

While both options were safe and sound, Sakura just felt that they were too _textbook_ for who she was right now, who she was becoming; she would have to go through the same motions, studying and chugging along the same monotonous routine until _what?_ For her to hit a wall that she would inevitably be unable to conquer and thus go back to square one? The pink haired girl would have likened herself to be able to plan ahead but those plans were ruined when she realized that she would not be a ninja, would not marry Uchiha Sasuke, and would continue her miserable mediocrity unless she _did something about it_.

Maybe she was getting ahead of herself, her psyche transforming too quickly for reason to catch up to because the next thing she knew the words were already spilling out from her mouth, "I don't want any of that, Iruka-sensei. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody from no clan and- And I want to get stronger. I don't want to be that weak little girl ever again."

"W-Well-," Iruka stammers out, surprised by the normally placid girl's confession. He had assumed she would return to a civilian school, perhaps if she was steeled enough, would try The Academy again, but this was something else entirely.

The look of determination on the young girl's face however told of her sincerity; a blaze in her eyes he's never witnessed before, not even when he'd caught the other children bullying her or when she was in a spat with the Yamanaka child. In fact, if he looked closer he could see the makeshift wrap around her knee that was dotted with dried blood and the lackluster way she had thrown on her usual attire. As a ninja he should have noticed all these minute changes, for it is the smallest causes that create the largest effects.

"That's very inspiring, Sakura-chan," As the shock fades, the wan smile fixes itself again on his face, albeit more genuine, "if you return to The Academy, with effort you can try again-"

 _Knock_.

"Actually, I think Haruno-san will be coming with me." A blonde woman wearing a dark red kimono interjects. Surprise fills both the chuunin and girl in question at the stranger's sudden appearance.

Wondering who the woman is, Sakura notices that despite her lack of hitai-ate, Iruka lets out a nervous nod. Deferring politely to another means superiority in rank, but what position could this apparently-civilian woman hold over a chuunin? Added to that, the sensuality pouring out of the woman in waves reminds Sakura of the Red Light district she had passed by once with her father for a business meeting.

"Sorry, Sakura-chan, I'll hand you over to her now and she'll talk with you more." Always the peacemaker, Iruka ushers the girl towards the blonde woman with an apologetic smile.

"Follow me, Haruno-san." The woman says, voice low but meant to be somewhat friendly.

Sakura speaks up when Iruka closes the door behind them, "Where are we going? Ah…"

"Mion."

"Mion-san, sorry, I just want to know where we're heading."

As the two continue down the hallway, Sakura makes a few observations of the woman, Mion. Her blonde hair was styled perfectly into an updo and there seemed to be no folds or creases on the silk kimono she was wearing. Sharp, hazel eyes with various other pointed parts about her shone in contrast to Sakura, who was soft and still a bit round in the features due to baby fat. All in all, Mion seemed like a woman that could intimidate most men with her striking features.

After no immediate reply, the pinkette wondered if she had said something wrong before Mion stopped walking and suddenly grabbed her arm in a vice grip, the action causing Sakura's eyes to widen momentarily before trying to pull away.

"Hold your breath." Is the last thing she hears before she disappears alongside the woman.

In an empty hallway, only two slowly falling leaves could be found.

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Despite heeding the warning, Sakura still ended up gagging a bit when they reached their destination: a dimly lit tatami room with a single table in the center. The room was plain with no other decoration other than the tatami that lined the floor and walls.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." The pinkette chokes out, doubled over.

"No, you won't." The reply came like a command.

Irritated by the woman's tone with her, Sakura forced herself upright to glare at the blonde though keeping any nasty retort to herself. She had read about the shunshin technique while studying up for a jutsu assignment and so she also knew only high level ninja could pull off something like that.

"Where are we? Who even are you?" Sakura spat out, backing away from the woman who was not what she seemed, "I don't even see a hitai-ate on you or anything! I can't trust you!"

And then, faster than she could blink the woman was bent down in front of her, hazel, moonish eyes staring down at her.

"Trust? The only thing you can trust in this life are your own abilities and if you don't know that yet, you'll soon find out, girl." The previously light voice, although deep and sultry, turned ice-cold and held no inflection.

Sakura had thought she knew fear- the fear of being bullied, not being accepted, of failing The Bell Test- but the ice coursing through her veins at that moment proved to be the truest kind of fear she had ever felt. Every pore on her body shrieking at her to _get away from that woman with the unblinking eyes who will hurt you and teach you about trust_.

"I-I-" The girl stutters out, scared beyond her mind.

And if she thought the woman's eyes were large, the smile that crept slowly upwards and outwards across her face grew to be even bigger.

"Welcome to the Hyakka, Hanami."

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 **A/N: Taken great liberties (cough) from Gintama for inspiration on Mion and the current situation.**

 **SPOILER BELOW…**

 **Hanami will be the codename given to Sakura by the Hyakka. Similar to the animal names from ANBU.**


	3. Chapter 3

**The practical usage of sadness**

 _ **It starts with failure. Team 7 does not pass The Bell Test and the three genin go their separate ways. But instead of returning to the passive life of a civilian, Haruno Sakura is drafted into the dubious and treacherous world of Konoha's undergound, all-female military unit. Sakura will not let it end with failure, not if she can help it.**_

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Hanami is the act of viewing flowers, particularly during the spring and particularly _sakura_ blossoms, and to welcome in the new season. Just as hanami appreciates the temporal beauty of nature and its ever changing, cyclical characteristics, the girl named Haruno Sakura finds herself a reflection of that change as the next few weeks transpire.

Mion is a harsh teacher at best, nothing like the cool apathy of her previous silver headed one but instead ruthless and unforgiving. Yet Sakura finds that cruelty a welcome reprieve to the babying she had faced all her life, only realizing just how cushioned she's been by all those around her that even she started to believe their taunts about her uselessness.

After that first jarring encounter with Mion, the girl soon finds out that she is in the Red Light District, specifically in the headquarters of the Hyakka; a run down building with the occasional light flickering in its windows are the only signs of activity when viewed from the outside, otherwise most would assume this place to be abandoned or already used as a squatting shack for the unfortunate.

It is in this decaying hovel that Sakura remembers her first day in the Hyakka.

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"W-where are we?" The pinkette stutters out, afraid she was whisked away from Konoha by this woman she had stupidly trusted and followed. The two are seated and, thankfully for Sakura, away from each other with the small table between them.

"Is that all you can ask right now? What about 'are you going to hurt me' or 'what do you want'?" Mion teases, her unsettling grin replaced by a smirk. When Sakura does not answer, "You're in the Hyakka HQ, in good ol' Red Light District. Though I suppose a merchant's daughter, especially _that_ man's kid, would know what this place is like."

"Hyakka?" Sakura whispers, her tongue slowly going over the foreign word. Her face grew red as she thought about their location as well as surprised her earlier thoughts about the woman proved true. That, as well as even more suspicious at the way Mion knew her to be a daughter of a merchant. More things to think over when she had the time (if she would even survive this encounter).

"Ever heard of ANBU, Hanami?" A worried nod from the pinkette, noticing the nickname given to her, "The Hyakka is like that; we are an underground military unit at Konoha's disposal. The catch? We're female _only_. And I'm sure you're already making some assumptions about us in that smart, little head of yours."

True to the blonde's words, Sakura feels the rising apprehension of what an all-female organization could be doing hiding out in the Red Light District of all places. Comparing the Hyakka to ANBU, however, made her feel marginally better though not by much; it only meant that the level of importance of their missions and goals went above most jounin and surely doing ' _that_ ' amounted to little compared to, say, delivering a time-sensitive missive to a neighboring Kage.

A quiet snort reverts the pinkette's attention to the older woman, "If only you could see your face, and no, we don't _only_ do what you're thinking. Just only on the weekends."

The wink that aimed at her made Sakura openly gape. Not too long ago, this was the same woman who nearly made her piss herself and now here she was making jokes. Despite still being wary and curling in on herself in slight fear, Sakura finds herself thinking that the kind of woman who can go from intimidating and deadly to intimidating, deadly, and _cheeky_ is someone that she doesn't mind becoming in the future.

The small and hopeful voice inside her is quickly tamped down by what the woman says next, "Seriously now, the Hyakka specialize in reconnaissance, subterfuge, and with our physical assets, sexual espionage. Also known as honeypot missions. They've taught that in the kunoichi classes, right? So, are you prepared for this, Hanami?"

This time the woman is serious, looking across at Sakura like this was some kind of privilege bestowed upon her. And, after a moment of deep thinking, she thinks it may as well be. Wasn't this what she wanted? A break from the textbook monotony of her everyday life? A chance for her to do something worthwhile, to find some kind of meaning to all those years of slaving away at some unknown goal.

It's not like Sakura has much choice, not really. From what she's seen, Mion was most likely jounin level since most ninja that come to indoctrinate people into a division or another tended to be of the higher ranks; to show what you _could_ become, for lack of better explanation.

Perhaps it was this stubbornness that drove her to saying this next, "I am. But, I have one question, Mion-san. Why do you keep calling me Hanami?"

The smirk finds itself back on the woman's face but this time smug like someone getting their way, "From this day forward, Hanami is all you will ever be known as in the Hyakka. For all _anyone_ knows, Haruno Sakura failed at being a genin and went back to being a simple civilian. It should be self explanatory that this organization and everything you've heard, seen, and even thought about is to be kept secret. Any other questions before I'm done being nice here?"

If this was Mion being nice, Sakura shudders at the thought of her being purposefully cruel, "W-When do I start?"

And as if the Fates deigned her worthy of punishment, Sakura sees the vestiges of that cruel intent, "Hmm? We've already started."

The rest of that first day goes by in a haze; Sakura remembers what happens but the memories come back to her in third person as if she were a mere viewer of her own life. A book about the brain from years past whispers to her a single word: 'dissociate'.

After their conversation, a silent woman in a blue kimono comes in with a bundle of red fabric at hand. Sakura, or in this case, _Hanami_ is changed out of her qipao and dressed in layers of gossamer that make up a kimono-esque outfit. A far cry from Mion's fine silk but then again it was another distinguishing factor at their differences.

While Mion was sultry womanhood in a full-fledged kimono, Hanami was a childish imitation at best.

"Saw that you liked red and figured that'll be your uniform for now." Mion says, breaking the silence.

Looking down at the dress, the pinkette agrees that while nicely crafted and nearly the exact shade as her qipao, the color only serves to bring back echoes of humility and the past. It is because of that that she declines, "I'm sorry for asking but, when would be the soonest time for me to pick out a different color?"

Raising a brow in curiosity, Mion responds, "Already? Don't tell me you're the type to wear something new for every day of the week."

Once again taken surprised by the blonde woman's sudden teasing, the pinkette blushes and shakes her head no.

And then, in a rush of confident stupidity, the pinkette says, "No, only for the weekends."

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 **A/N: Trying to focus more on dialogue in this story since I feel that's not a strength of mine. Also not really sure if I want to make the shift to Sakura considering herself as Hanami now (aka start referring to Sakura as Hanami) or if I should only have her called Hanami with the Hyakka?**

 **Anyways, thanks for the support, especially to my reviewers: That one guest and dark-wolf-howl!**


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